the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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