Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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