even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
