you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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