his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
