Can i not drive my cunt home
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
