I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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