New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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