He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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