I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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