on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
