He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
