The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
