Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
