If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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