my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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