i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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