she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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