I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
