Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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