If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We got so high we made milksteak
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
