I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize