I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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