dude i'm inner monologue high
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm getting married
To pizza
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
