Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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