porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
