I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize