But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
