will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
