Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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