Im at strip club and am horny
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
