I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
