Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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