Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
