my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
