whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
