i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
