Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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