I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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