We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
