Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
