Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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