You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
