theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
