toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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