There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
