She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize