dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
