Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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