yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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