I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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