we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
