Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize