He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
