I just made out with a guy for $7.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
