Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I smell stomach acid.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
