I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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