Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
