I wish you could order shots online.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
