if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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