Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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