The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
