Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
