I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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