Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
