So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
