You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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