WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
