My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
