All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
