Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
