She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Too much gin, very little bucket
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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