real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
