This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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