you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Randomize
