i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
