i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
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